Friday, October 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
the water again..
my dreams have been full of water and dolphins lately..my soul misses hawaii.
I'm not sure how long I've been here..over a month, probably about 5 weeks? not sure..a considerable amount of progress has been made i suppose but time drags when you exist to exist instead of meet each day with a full heart. the desert has been a delight but the cold weather is coming and the autumn weather will be gone. i'm pale and have forgotten about what it feels like to have humidity in the air.
the state board is really taking their time issueing my license. it's tough to run akai with any sort of fervor when a clinical that could start asap looms near. i don't want to be too immersed in silk to have to turn around and slow things to complete the clinical..there is more than enough work on the table right now to hold me over for the four weeks that clinical will take. then i am free to wait for a job here in arizona or apply back in hawaii. i may do both at the same time and see who hires me first. if mayo hires me on i'll do a year there..somehow.
such a strange twist to come back to the desert i hated years ago to complete a clinical in hospital type nursing when all along i love hawaii the most and so far, based on limited experience, do not want to work in hospitals
there is a darkness in this house that won't go away..i'm out in the sun enough during the day but this house sits so that it's always in shade. i can't stand it. and i know summer it's too hot to be outside. i can't live indoors. wow i miss hawaii so much.
waiting another phase of the moon..perhaps by this time in 28 days i'll have made it part way thru clinical
Monday, November 9, 2009
This afternoon the little red car sped me thru the mountainous terrain of Scottsdale, I've never been too familiar with the area other than clubbing in the townie parts in my 20's, as I get to know the desert landmarks up there I am liking it more and more.
I knew it was going to be the Mayo clinic from a distance. A tall square like building in the middle of a clearing, situated on a large, well landscaped desert lot with its own ecosystem. MAYO CLINIC in what looks like silver lettering on the top of the entrance. It was pretty spectacular.
I tend to have a fairy tale image of medicine still..I believe in good doctors and nurses who really can save people. I believe in miracle treatments, and of patients who comply with treatments and see results. I believe in preventative care where patients take the initiative in caring for their bodies before trouble starts, instead of heading towards failure then blaming a diagnosis.
It was something I did not let on much about but my last clinical day in Hawaii was a really good one in a way, but a not so good one for the 'health' of nursing homes. I had had enough of a charge nurse at the facility berating every nurse on the floor. After shift report I made sure the nurses getting report overhear me say to stop talking to me like that and show me how to do something instead of demanding I do something that I did not understand (paperwork) then bitching when it wasn't done properly. I had asked her a few times to show me the paperwork and each time she turned away. She's bitter..I understand..she's spent her career in nursing homes. That takes serious courage and stamina. Working in nursing homes, well I will step on that rock a different day. That's worth pages and pages of blogs in itself. Anyways, she didn't care for the fact that a new agency nurse was not scared to face her and speak up. Instead of listening to the problem and how communication could be improved, working conditions improved, nursing work strengthened, she chose to walk off. I felt relieved with myself , for after a 9 year absence, of not allowing myself to be talked down to. Self respect was a defining moment. On the downside, that nursing home will continue to deteriorate under crappy management and ill support for their staff.
I don't know exactly why Mayo offers a fresh start. I didn't really set out to be a hospital nurse but if I had to choose a hospital to work in, this would be one to consider. Computerized charting, pyxis systems that made sense, a slow quiet pace on the floor, no overhead speakers, all white uniforms (sure makes a place look organized), a friendly, helpful staff. Let's not mention the cutting edge research. Let's not forget the transplants.
I first saw the MAYO building and felt a pride and a future of excitement that I have never ever experienced before as a facility nurse. Sure, it could end up being just another hospital with its problems. But I think this place is something special, and I can't wait to get hired on. I'd love for this to be the place where I do my time.
Monday, November 2, 2009
some people may not realize it but you can manifest a lot for your life if you meditate and spin. if you think about the spin ...the negative energy is discharging from the outer orbit at the same time you are attracting positive energy into your inner orbit. one hand is palm up receiving, the other palm is facing down to balance and dispel. the spin creates a gravitational vortex that brings about what you wish for or what you need for healing. spinning with white candles, or white veils, allows for an open blank slate to paint your picture.
what are you going to draw into your life?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
gawd i love being back in arizona. after a few days in phoenix doing must do's we trekked to sedona. i couldn't wait any longer. of course i went straight to boynton canyon after a quick appetizing drive thru oak creek canyon to glimpse the changing trees.
Boynton has a fast electric zapping energy. Just driving down the road towards the canyon I get jumpy and hyper. I actually sat up at the rock center today and started giggling uncontrollably. James felt silly too. We have pictures to prove it. I have to find the camera adapter first to load it to computer.
I was hit by so many new ideas and I hope I was able to write them all down on the itouch for future use. i would close my eyes and see colors and garments. everything i've ever loved about cool clothing has come back since i've been on the mainland. i love living in hawaii but style and new ideas can get a bit stale. i need the pulse of the arizona land to remind me .
many new pictures to share. and i'll need to dump the old website since it will be easier to build a new one. it's fun to build.
picked up some juniper ghost beads since i've been having bad dreams since i got to arizona. hope it's just nerves settling. it's tough to accept i'm back here despite it being voluntary and perhaps temporary.
Mayo clinic informed me that I have been accepted for a clinical rotation starting soon. I am shocked that I didn't have to interview for it..I'll be rotating on med surg oncology and hope to land a job there when i'm done. google mayo it's pretty big. i feel very privileged to be able to do a clinical there.
the magic truck arrived and dumped a lot of project in front of me. nursing clinical, new ideas, new website. i hope i can make some progress on the new item ideas before i lose motivation but nursing is going to take 100% for at least one month.